User blog:NedWolfkin/Volume 5: Dark side (jeff the killer story)
I want to start this blog by appologizing to everyone. Not only for my on-and-off discussion posts, but for not being able to do a 3-part series where I tear down good Creepypastas. As you all might know, things got in the way and I was unable to write it. Things seem to be quieting down for time being, so I will try to get it done in one giant post before Halloween. Instead, this week I am going to tear down Dark sides (jeff the killer story) and as you can guess just by looking at the title it's a shitty OC story with capitalization issues. This is my first ever upload so hopefully it well be good bye If the title didn't prepare us that this was going to be an utter spelling trainwreck, this prologue certainly did just that. one young girl named luna she was the best at dancing,singing and karate she was the best student everyone loves her but someone didn't. MARY-SUE ALERT! This is how I read it "There was once a Mary-Sue with the most cliche name in Creepypasta history. She was like the most bestest, most prettiest, most talented person who ever existed, U GUIZE! But unfortunately there is some rotten sinner who doesn't like this goddess!" And as for that last part "everyone loves her but someone didn't", that someone is me. I fucking hate OCs, I hate Mary-Sues, I hate cliches, and I fucking hate Luna. it was one night at school. Last time I checked schools started in the morning and ended just before evening. I could give the author the benefit of the doubt and say it is a night school, but that would be way too generous. Plus I have already guessed that this is a pre-teen or a teenager, so she would be too young for a night school. luna:girls the next week is our show lets train even more. Lily:but what if the school were haunted. Nina: i agree with lily its kinda creepy. Luna: ok then go home First off, one of the most laziest things a person can do when writing a story is use scripting for dialogue. Second, the author didn't even bother to space out the dialogue. Third this is hard to understand because of the shitty writing. Fourth, this is dialogue looks like a fucking joke. It's literally just this: What if the school is haunted? That would be scary! Ok, let's go home! WTF?! *Lilly and nina look back as the darkness get even more darker as both lily and nina get close to luna* First off, this is a painful jumpcut. The author's lack of grasp on basic English makes this impossible to understand. jenny and jacko:*sigh* idiots. Lizzy: guys i feel like we are watched. Luna:nahhh noone is here remember we have tell our parents right? So these characters, one of which is named Jacko (for those who don't know Jacko was Michael Jackson's nickname, so that's who I'm imagining) appear, Lizzy feels like she's being watched, and Goddess Luna brushes it off with her atrocious bastardization of English. Also "noone is here"? Noon can't be here, it's supposed to be getting dark, remember? Yes I know the author meant "no one", but still... *all looked at luna like wtf we didn't tell them* They either gave her that look because she was the main character of a shitty OC story, or they looked at her like that because they were confused as to what she just said because it didn't make sense. luna: omg now I AM worried *sigh* hey cheer up we soo close to the practice room Ok, so I'm assuming the setup is that they are still in the school despite Goddess Luna Christ saying about going home. I'm probably not the only one wondering rather or not this is the same school Charlie goes to, seeing as the school's staff is so irresponsible that they leave the school unlocked for children to wander around as they please. *Luna opens the practice room's door as she said:see nothing Must be looking inside your own head, dumbass. but luna was never know what awaits in there ...... But Luna author never know what english am. lizzy:guys i am gunna go to the bathroom.luna: ok but if you didn't come back i guess we are gunna find ya. She might as well have said "DON'T FALL IN!" *10 minutes later* lizzy: AHHHHHHHH GUYS COME HERE *as they all run to lizzy but suddenly blood river await them in the entrance but still luna went to save lizzy but its turn out to be ..........* I'm imagining them walking into the bathroom and Lizzy is in a stall, taking a smelly dump and they all shout and hold their noses because of it. Also, save her from what? luna: the hell what is this * all looked at the mirror as it say go to sleep* Me fail English? That's unpossible! jacko: we need to get out of here or else we can't. Yeah, if you don't get out of there you won't be getting out of there, dumbass! Luna: DON'T SAY THAT IN TIME LIKE THISSSS. We need to go to the practice room Well everyone, something scary is going on. Oh well, let's go to the practice room. together a have an idea lets all hold hands ... lizzy:lilly your hand is wet. Lilly: no its not Then she looks at her hands and realises she is not holding Lilly's hands... SHE IS HOLDING A SLIME MONSTER WHO GOBBLES HER UP FOR GRABBING HIM!!!! GRRRRR! *lizzy looked soo scared that everyone looked behind her trying to tell her Left it hands * What the fuck is this supposed to mean? English, author! they all run and all of them were together wait oh no someone was missing'' Who? '''TOO BE CONTINUED It better not be. Also, "too"? guys if you want me to continue say in the comments because i dont know if you like this thnx for waching byeee Also if its a little bad story or boring wait intell part 3 it well be good hehe Ok, so Jeff doesn't actually show up except for his catch-phrase "GO TO SLEEP!" Also "thnx for watching"? Stories cannot be watched, they can be read. I know the author is just playing around, but by fucking around she doesn't realise she is making her story look like a joke. It already does to begin with, but if it didn't that would ruin it. I could end this beat-down by commenting on how shitty the author's English is by saying "intell", but instead I'm going to end this by asking how the hell there can be a part 3 when there wasn't even a part 2. My guess is that, like spelling, the author can't math. And to those reading this blog "thnx for watching" Category:Blog posts